Talia
Wagner
Healing Towards Happiness
Sometimes we have to go to battle for our happiness.
This fight isn’t fought on distant battlefields, but within the landscape of our own minds.
Our greatest opponents? The relentless internal critic, the chaotic “monkey mind,” deep-seated childhood wounds, and the exhausting habit of people-pleasing. Ignoring these can lead us into energy-draining trauma-bonds, leaving us feeling stuck and unfulfilled. Mastering your mind isn’t as daunting as it sounds. It’s simply a matter of acquiring new skills and learning better strategies that focus on healing the parts of us that have been wounded.
Think of your mind as a garden that’s been tended a certain way for years. It’s filled with habitual thought patterns and emotional responses, some of which may no longer serve you. We often navigate life guided by pride and ego, unaware of how to heal our emotional scars. This affects not only our relationships with others but also the crucial relationship we have with ourselves. The path to lasting happiness begins with our willingness to embark on this healing journey.
Life is a series of acts, each bringing its own challenges and opportunities for growth. Whether you’re single and dating, newly cohabiting, married, or facing tougher transitions like divorce or illness, each stage presents a chance for an emotional and spiritual evolution. The road may seem rocky at times, but things often get harder before they get easier. It’s all part of the beautiful, complex tapestry of human experience.
In her book “Married Roommates,” Talia introduces the concept of life’s three acts. This framework helps to understand the typical cycles of human development, providing valuable context for the journey to personal growth. By exploring these universal human themes, we realize that our struggles, while deeply personal, are also part of the shared human experience. This understanding can be both comforting and empowering in the quest for finding personal happiness and fulfillment within ourselves and within our relationships with others.
The excerpts below are taken from Married Roommates
Three Acts of Life
Act I
sees you through early adulthood, moving from being a dependent to self-reliance and independence. This era is characterized by important personal achievements, experimentation, and uncertainty. For many it is a time of complete self-absorption and self-discovery, during which you learn to become more comfortable in your own skin. Act I generally gives you the space and freedom to develop your individuality. Living on your own, college, first jobs that morph into careers, and coupling up in mature relationships characterize the act’s major milestones. During this time, the focus is on yourself, and, in accordance, your reality and behavior are shaped through the lens of yourself as a self-driven, individual entity.
Act II
officially kicks off when you commit to a life of “we” instead of “me.” Pairing up, you chose to go through life’s adventure alongside a partner, and, whether married or not, in Act II you share your life with another. This can be a rough transition, where you are all the sudden expected to go from choices for and by yourself to now having to compromise, find middle ground, and share all elements of your life with another. A perfect storm of troubles can be created where, in a condensed period of time, couples build a family, a home, the infrastructure of their lives, and their careers – all at once. While these are theoretically wonderfully amazing milestones, the level of obligation and selflessness required comes as a shocking surprise for most. Couples are often not prepared for the stressors and difficulties that accompany life’s major accomplishments in Act II. A massive mental shift must happen for us to be ready for the demands of this act. Coming from a place of solely indulging your individual wants and needs to this advanced level of togetherness, teamwork and partnership can be jarring.
Act III
can play out like those Choose Your Own Adventure books where, depending on the choices you make, you get one of two endings. This can be a time of great happiness for a couple or a time of deep sorrow as realizations may lead to separation and divorce. Ideally, if couples are able to hold onto each other through the hardships of an earlier and more challenging time with mutual respect, communication, and love, Act III is where you enjoy and reap the rewards. Life slows down, with fewer responsibilities and fewer balls to juggle. The kids are grown – most likely at college or off living their adult lives. The demands on your life are minimal. Employment should be ramping down leading toward a time of reduced workload and/or retirement. This means more time on your hands doing what you love. If you did it right, this could be the best time of your life. If you cherished the relationship and nourished it through the years, it will be there intact in Act III.
Regardless of the act of life you may be in, it is not too late to correct course, especially if negativity, neglect, resentment, or stagnation has taken root. All relational dynamics are fixable and capable of miraculous transformations when we focus on their growth, instead of their problems.
review
Full of Golden Nuggets
Very impactful. Full of wisdom. Full of practical applications if done correctly can help to bring about change for the better. With anything in life it takes work. You get what you put in.
Kamau A.L., August 30, 2023
review
Spot on – A MUST read!
After trying for years to pin down and express to my spouse the frustration and despair that I have been feeling, along comes “Married Roommates.” While not every scenario is exactly my life, there is so much truth in the root issues behind marital problems. I thought I had a good understanding of when/how things started to change in my marriage from the glow of wedded bliss, but I was wrong! After reading this book, I realize that decisions innocently made 20+ years ago while “building” our life together, actually started us on the road to being roommates. I haven’t yet tried the approaches to stemming the tide, but I feel more informed about my own decisions, perceptions, and interpretations of what has been going on, that I am optimistic for the first time in years that my relationship can improve. There’s no magic wand, but the book provides a basic roadmap for steps to move your relationship in the right direction.
Rashad W., October 31, 2023
review
Great book! Relatable, useful and super easy to read!
Married Roommates zips along like a book of short stories, with each story a relatable slice of life. For me, these stories were great reminders of how we often focus on the wrong things. I get so involves with the day-to-day logistics of running a home & family BUT need to actively work on the relationship at the center of my life.
Lauren K, June 25, 2019
review
A Must Read For All Married Folk
This is a helpful, practical and logical book, but be prepared for some work! It felt in depth enough without being overwhelming, but not surface level. I thought that I had been exposed to all the concepts around improving marriage, having been to counseling with different therapists over the years; and also felt that I had a good grasp on my responsibility in communication and perspective, but my eyes were opened to some new concepts that will be helpful. The book provides solid actionable items for couples to do together, but also some invaluable information to consider if you find yourself alone in trying to change the dynamics of your relationship.
P and M Cowan, March 17, 2021
review
Insightful, honest and comforting! A MUST Read!
A feeling that represents I wasn’t alone nor ashamed. As I read it I was captivated how it captured what plagues marriages early on. I loved the personal experiences that we could relate to. I loved that I felt heard and helped. I loved having the perspective! It truly changed my outlook. It gave me the tools to rethink my initial response and to implement what I read to avoid continued aggravation and bickering with my husband. Ultimately making me more aware, and in turn a better partner. Once I did this my partner followed suit.
I highly recommend this book for anyone who is looking for a little insight to resolving the marriage rut.
KC, April 23,2019
Talia Wagner Coaching Packages
Individual Coaching
Create the life you want to be living by removing the emotional and mental obstacles in your path. Gain helpful tools to get rid of the self defeating thinking patterns that create real life limitations. Understand the ingrained habits and old conditioning that has formed blockages to personal and emotional growth.
Couples Relational Wellness
Rediscover one another through gaining a greater understanding of the internal dynamics in your connection. Work on resolving long standing sources of misunderstanding and conflict. These play a huge role in perpetuating patterns of stagnation. Gaining this understanding will lead to emotional insights that will bring about a renewed sense of hope and a deeper appreciation and insightful understanding of one another.
Family Relational Wellness
Years of misunderstandings, and faulty misfires can cause a pile up of emotional triggers and heavy baggage, buried deep down in our individual hurts. Focusing on growing healthy family dynamics heals the past, and lays a positive pathway forward. Gain helpful strategies and real life tools to facilitate communication, and rebuild trust. These will work to heal intergenerational wounds and resolve long-standing familial aissues.
Coaching Bundles
Comprehensive and personalized guidance to increase positive results. Packaged bundles promote accountability and motivation through a faster path to client’s goals.
Coming Soon
Workshops and Seminars
Sign up to the Newsletter to get updated on upcoming group sessions and educational workshops. Feel free to suggest topics you would like to see in workshop format.
About Talia Wagner
Talia Wagner is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and a Relationship Expert. She is an author, contributor and speaker on the topics of mental health and wellness, as well as relationships and marriages. Her advice and contributions have appeared in top media publications. As a 20-year veteran in treating individuals and couples, she encourages a holistic approach, focusing on the fusion between our relationships, health and wealth to cultivate healing and wellness. This requires a mastery of the mind, which leads to mental, emotional and relational wellbeing in all areas of life.
Talia’s approach lends toward healing intergenerational wounds, often called trauma-bonds. When unaware of these underlying contributors to discord, faulty and unhealthy familial dynamics are just passed along the family bloodline, mostly as unhealed inner childhood wounds. These show up in our relationships and our interactions with others, and limit the successes of our closest bonds.
